This beer has balls. Big brass balls. It came from downtown on a special favor because other beers haven't been living up to Corporate's standards. This beer is for closers only. ABG, A Always, B Be, G Ghosting. Always Be Ghosting. Is it a wheat beer? Is it an IPA? Is it some sort of magical hoppy creation that doesn't really fit into the BJCP standard? Why is there controversy over what kind of style there is? There are White IPAs, there are hoppy wheat beers, there's all kinds of fucking beers that don't jive with traditional styles. Hops are one of the four ingredients of beers. Water. Malt. Hops. Yeast. You don't add extra water to beer. It doesn't make sense to add more yeast. You've got two choices: malt and hops. Malty beers are awesome, but there's a time and a place. Hops are the shit. Hops are the fucking shit. When I go out at night, I rub a little hop oil on my hands and shake everyone's hand around me. It makes an impression. 

The Ghost starts out strong. It spooks you with a tiny taste of what's to come. It frightens me how much this is my go-to beer right now. The scary thing is that it's such a drinkable beer. It's 5.8% but it still packs a scare. Goddammit I don't need puns, it's just a good beer.

Remember how Patrick Swayze was trying to figure out the financial problem with proxy Whoopi Goldberg but he couldn't figure out how to kick a can in the subway until he realized it was all about energy concentration and the weird looking guy in Ghost and all the shadows and all the Demi Moore and OH MY GAHHHHH. This beer is like that.

Nose: Floral and citrusy.
Body: It's a wheat beer so it's full bodied. It helps tone down some of the big hops.
Mouth: It's got a lingering bitterness and a dank flavor. The hops are big but it's still got the balance I like. 

Drink this beer. Make it a go-to. 

Do you remember your first beer? Maybe let me rephrase that. Lots of people do not remember their first beer, it's some random crap a dude named Chad hands you at a kegger when you're in high school. But, do you remember the first beer you enjoyed? Mine's a Corona. And it's all because of Vin Diesel. 

The year was 2006 and my roommate and I were watching a Fast and the Furious movie marathon in anticipation of Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift. Needless to say, from the very first time you meet Vin Diesel, aka Dominic Toretto, you want to be his friend. Actually, you want to be him. He's good with cars, has a sweet hipster pad in Echo Park, he's dating the only woman in the world who has a sexy resting bitch face, and he just oozes charisma and respect. At the time I was driving a Ford Focus that was not hooked up to NOS, I was living in Irvine, CA, and I was dating a woman with a very sweet resting face. I was NOTHING like Dom. Well, if you can't BE Vin Diesel you can at least ACT like Vin Diesel (editor's note: the words Dom and Vin Diesel will be used interchangeably in this short article. It is my belief that Vin Diesel isn't actually acting in the Fast and the Furious movies, he is instead part of a clever hidden camera system catching him reacting to staged events with other actors. Kind of like the Truman Show.)

How can you be like someone so effortlessly cool? One thing that helps? Corona. Take a journey with me:

You can have any brew you want, as long as it's a Corona. WHO THE FUCK SAYS THIS???

Standing ovation. Fuck you, stupid guy not even playing real guitar in the corner of the party. You're the worst! Fuck you, Einstein, take it upstairs! Yeah I brought the Buster to the party, the Buster saved my ass from jail. Reward? Here's a CORONA.

As soon as I saw this I bought a six pack of Coronas and some limes from the grocery store down the street. I then offered one to my roommate with the same line Dom says to Paul Walker. My roommate laughed, I laughed. I thought to myself, I am becoming Vin Diesel.

Dom taught me that a Corona can defuse any situation, even if you offer it in a super aggressive way. There is so much foreshadowing related to this point in the Fast and the Furious. Check out all the intricate Corona details in the BBQ scene that occurs halfway through the movie:

:09-12: First, off, the fire that Dom and Paul Walker are tending to is fucking ridiculous for a BBQ
:12-17: Who the fuck holds a grocery bag like that???
2:03-2:04: This guy is a dick and treats his Corona like shit. Spoiler alert, he dies in the movie because of this.
2:04: Vin Diesel is shocked but can't show his disdain, he is curious how Paul Walker responds to this Corona heresy.
2:07: Paul Walker takes a sensible sip. Order is restored. Vin Diesel now completely trusts Paul Walker.

Vin/Dom just exude charisma through the bottles of Corona they constantly drink in this movie series. It's a very important signifier for Vin/Dom's virility in the movie. Look at how the Director juxtaposes sexy side glances from babes vs the narrow, focus driven gaze of Vin/Dom as he orders his favorite drink at the bar:

:16: Everything is right in the world, Vin Diesel has a Corona in his hands.

This was a video from Fast and Furious 5, which proves that Vin/Dom and Paul Walker's relationship is based on Corona. 

Another example from Fast and Furious 6. Dom and Paul and having a heart to heart on family, both new and old. What's the creative juice fueling this conversation? You guessed it, Corona!

Spoiler alert, at the end of Fast and Furious 6, the family is all back together. After someone says grace, everyone then shares a drink of Corona:

Truth be told. The Coronas I drank and enjoyed didn't get me far on my life's journey to become Dominic Toretto. They brought me joy, and the knowledge that can only be gained from someone who lives their life a quarter mile at a time. Plus, sometimes Vin/Dom isn't perfect. Let me give you an example, let's say you're Vin Diesel, you're on vacation in the Canary Islands, Spain, and you want a beer. Uh oh, Canary Islands do not import Corona. What do you do? YOU DEMAND A CORONA, YOU"RE VIN DIESEL, YOUR WILL BE DONE!!!! You don't fucking do this:

Also, WHY DOES THIS BURGER NOT HAVE ANY TOPPINGS???

The above picture breaks my heart, but it's necessary to show you that even Vin/Dom can make a mistake. He showed me how to have a good time, in the original Fast and Furious. He introduced me to the Corona lifestyle, the tao of LA BBQs, the essence of family/loyalty, and how you can judge someone based on how they sip a beer. I guess the point of all this is that I'm really looking forward to Fast and Furious 7.

Evolution isn't perfect, Charles Darwin himself was once quoted as saying "there are some pretty weird ass animals out there. The Universe is fucked up." I agree Charles, I agree. One of these animals is the Panda Bear. Let's judge it on its merits:
Brief Bear Comparison:
This is a picture of a grizzly bear, it's fucking ferocious.

That snarling mouth just told a hiker to shut the hell up. No one wants to give this bear a cute and cuddly widdle hug. It'll rip your arms off and then lose interest and walk away BECAUSE IT"S A FUCKING GRIZZLY BEAR.

This is a picture of an assy-faced panda.

What the fuck even is this? This panda is like one of your friends who continually farts in group settings but always plays it coy, even though we know it's you. Actually, all pandas are like that. Constantly eating bamboo would wreck your GI system. Just wreck it. Do pandas care? Nope. They're too busy stuffing their damn faces with bamboo to notice they smell like a hoarder's bathroom.
The facts:
Panda's don't eat humans, they're vegans?!?!?
Panda's are going extinct because they are just naturally prone to death
Panda's are the mascot of a super gross Trader Joe's cereal best known for cutting the roof of your mouth
Panda's are afraid of sneezes
Where does this leave us?
A couple salient points here. Pandas need our protection. They just die too easily. When they have kids they are so aloof about the whole thing it's like watching an episode of MTV's Teen Mom. Is the grizzly bear a fair example. Of course it fucking is. People are scared of bears. That's evolution, we fear what can harm us. Pandas just don't belong in the bear category, get it together you panda slobs.