Evolution isn't perfect, Charles Darwin himself was once quoted as saying "there are some pretty weird ass animals out there. The Universe is fucked up." I agree Charles, I agree. One of these animals is the Panda Bear. Let's judge it on its merits:
Brief Bear Comparison:
This is a picture of a grizzly bear, it's fucking ferocious.
Brief Bear Comparison:
This is a picture of a grizzly bear, it's fucking ferocious.
That snarling mouth just told a hiker to shut the hell up. No one wants to give this bear a cute and cuddly widdle hug. It'll rip your arms off and then lose interest and walk away BECAUSE IT"S A FUCKING GRIZZLY BEAR.
This is a picture of an assy-faced panda.
This is a picture of an assy-faced panda.
What the fuck even is this? This panda is like one of your friends who continually farts in group settings but always plays it coy, even though we know it's you. Actually, all pandas are like that. Constantly eating bamboo would wreck your GI system. Just wreck it. Do pandas care? Nope. They're too busy stuffing their damn faces with bamboo to notice they smell like a hoarder's bathroom.
The facts:
Panda's don't eat humans, they're vegans?!?!?
Panda's are going extinct because they are just naturally prone to death
Panda's are the mascot of a super gross Trader Joe's cereal best known for cutting the roof of your mouth
Panda's are afraid of sneezes
Where does this leave us?
A couple salient points here. Pandas need our protection. They just die too easily. When they have kids they are so aloof about the whole thing it's like watching an episode of MTV's Teen Mom. Is the grizzly bear a fair example. Of course it fucking is. People are scared of bears. That's evolution, we fear what can harm us. Pandas just don't belong in the bear category, get it together you panda slobs.
The facts:
Panda's don't eat humans, they're vegans?!?!?
Panda's are going extinct because they are just naturally prone to death
Panda's are the mascot of a super gross Trader Joe's cereal best known for cutting the roof of your mouth
Panda's are afraid of sneezes
Where does this leave us?
A couple salient points here. Pandas need our protection. They just die too easily. When they have kids they are so aloof about the whole thing it's like watching an episode of MTV's Teen Mom. Is the grizzly bear a fair example. Of course it fucking is. People are scared of bears. That's evolution, we fear what can harm us. Pandas just don't belong in the bear category, get it together you panda slobs.
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